Parashat Naso is a favorite of mine. The parasha includes the Priestly Blessing, the words we use every Shabbat to bless children:
May God bless you and keep you safe.
May God’s light shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May God turn towards you and grant you peace.
We take every occasion to use this blessing because it encompasses all our most fundamental wishes and prayers: safety, kindness, and peace. Whenever I sit down with a bar or bat mitzvah student, I tend to focus on this section of the parasha over others. All the instructions of the Torah haven’t exactly aged well, and Parashat Naso contains an example that proves the point.
Parashat Naso spends over a dozen verses to instruct the reader on what to do when a woman is suspected of having an adulterous relationship. First, I ought to point out that this only deals with a woman and not a man—strike one. Second, no punishment is levied against the man—strike two. Third and final, the test for ascertaining her guilt sounds about as ridiculous as a Monty Python skit.
The priest is to prepare a bitter drink that, once consumed by the suspected adulteress, will either be innocuous if she’s innocent or cause her belly to distend and her thighs to sag if she’s guilty.* My mind always goes to the scene about the witch in The Holy Grail. The less-than-wise men of the town bring a woman suspected of being a witch to Sir Vladimir, the village leader. The rabble wants to burn her for being a witch, but they have no proof. So Sir Vladimir turns to “science.”
Sir Vladimir: What makes you think she is a witch?
Peasant 1: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Vladimir: A newt?!
(Peasant pauses & looks around)
Peasant 1: I got better.
(pause)
Peasant 2: Burn her anyway!
Sir Vladimir: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Tell me... what do you do with witches?
Peasant 3: Burn'em! Burn them up!
Sir Vladimir: What do you burn apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches!
(pause)
Peasant 3: Wood!
Sir Vladimir: So, why do witches burn?
(long pause)
Peasant 2: Cuz they're made of... wood?
Sir Vladimir: Gooood. So, how do we tell if she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her!
Sir Vladimir: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah...
Sir Vladimir: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 3: No. It floats!
Peasant 1: Let's throw her into the bog! (yeah yeah ya!)
Sir Vladimir: What also floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread
Peasant 3: Apples
Peasant 2: Very small rocks
(Sir Vladimir looks annoyed)
Peasant 1: Cider
Peasant 3: Grape gravy
Peasant 1: Cherries
Peasant 3: Mud
King Arthur: A Duck!
(all look and stare at the King)
Sir Vladimir: Exactly! So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood!
Sir Vladimir: And therefore…
(pause & think)
Peasant 3: A witch!
The biblical test for determining whether a woman had sex with a man other than her husband makes about as much sense as weighing a woman against a duck to determine if she is a witch. Sometimes the lessons we glean from Torah are what not to do. In this case, we learn about the limits of science 3,000 years ago, the attitudes toward women then, and, sadly, in some places today.
I raise this comparison between ancient, sacred text and this modern midrash to show that it is always necessary to read these verses, so we do not repeat the same mistakes of our ancestors. We still pray, work, and struggle for equality in our world, and these two examples remind us of our progress and how very far we still have to go.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Max
*Numbers 5:21
